Maintaining Healthy Relationship Among Opposite Sex

This is a topic I am super-excited to write about as it touches the crux of the relationship between our teenagers. I am excited to write about this because the idea of relationship has been miscommunicated or rather misjudged among the present day teenagers as a result of what the media, society and friends say about it. The focus of this write up will be to understand what a relationship is, what makes a healthy relationship and finally what a healthy Christian relationship is between teenagers especially of opposite sex. Be blessed as you read along.

Relationship is defined by the Cambridge online dictionary as the way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other. A healthy relationship can further be defined as one which is considered beneficial, with no intentions of harm to the parties or people involved. A Christian healthy relationship is one which is healthy and not against the commandments of God as written in the Scriptures.

First let us start with the rudiments of a relationship. Taking a clue from the book of Amos, chapter 3 verse 3, Bible asked a question that “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” What this simply means is that two people can only walk together (or be in a relationship) when there is a mutual agreement between the two of them. The relationship formed could be friendship, business relationship, career relationship, marital relationship, etc.  

The next point to consider is- what are the elements/ ingredients of a healthy relationship? For a relationship to be considered healthy, the following elements should be in place at the minimum: 

-          Agreement: the parties involved should have agreed to form a relationship

-          Respect: the parties should respect each other’s opinions, views, privacy, etc.

-          Honesty: the parties should be opened to each other

-          Support: the parties should support each other, when one is weak, the other should be strong enough to provide strength

-          Fairness/ equality: the relationship should not be domineering. Parties involved should have equal rights and say in the relationship

-          Good communication: the parties involved should be free to communicate with each other without fear

-          More happiness, less stress: a healthy relationship should bring you more happiness and less stress to the parties involved

-          Individuality: the parties should not compromise their individual identity because of the relationship. This could lead to deceits and lies among the parties

-          Trust: parties should be able to trust each other with personal matters and secrets

 

Going a step further, to maintain a healthy Christian relationship with opposite sex, we must consider the following:
 

-          Is the other party a Christian? Does the other person believe in Jesus Christ? Is he/ she a follower of Christ or a freelancer who does not care about the things of God? Remember 2 Corinthians 6:14- “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” So, a relationship especially with an opposite sex who is an unbeliever is a “no-go”.

-          What is the motive of the relationship? This is a key question to consider in every relationship. Why are you in a relationship with that girl or boy? Remember the saying- “when the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable” The purpose of the relationship should be defined and that purpose must be such that can be publicly announced and which glorifies God.

-          What do you talk about? Whenever you are with your friend of the opposite sex, what do you talk about? Do you talk about your academics, your career, your body curves, sex or what? Words have a way of shaping our thinking and total reasoning, if you indulge in vulgar talks, you will soon begin to act those words. Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” If your discussion with the opposite sex does not edify you (i.e. build you up or add value to you), then it is not a healthy relationship with the opposite sex and neither is it Christian-like.

-          What are your feelings? What kind of feelings do you have when you are with the opposite sex whom you call your friend? Do you see that person as a sister/ a brother or there is an emotional/ sexual urge running through your nerves. For the relationship to be healthy and Christian in nature, coming together with the opposite sex shouldn’t be that of sexual urge. While it is natural for opposite sex to have inner emotional feelings for each other, this should not become a lustful desire running in your minds and which now drives you to meet or see that person everyday/ every time. Remember 2 Timothy 2 vs 22 “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart”

-          Is it all about sex? Be sincere to answer this question. Why are you a friend to this boy/ girl? If it is about sex, then this relationship is all wrong. You should not be in a relationship with the opposite sex for the reason of sex. Bible says in Hebrews 13:4 that “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge”. Indulging in sexual relationship with someone you are not legally married to amounts to the sin of fornication and the scriptures warns us against that as no fornicator will inherit the kingdom of God.

 

Relationships are part of our lives, relationships can make and also mar a person. Healthy Christian relationships are possible and there are countless number of teenagers out there who are in such relationships. My dear, kindly assess your relationship with the opposite sex in line with the points mentioned above and conclude whether it is an healthy one or not. If not healthy, it would be the right thing to terminate such relationships.

God bless you and keep you till the end.

 

(Write-Up for RCCG Cornerstone Assembly, Ogba-Lagos Women Conference, 2016)